Silver Lining
by kbymyside
Summary: Kate finds herself pregnant after a meaningless one-night-stand. How is she going to cope? Will she be able to do it all by herself? Will Castle be there to support her? Slightly AU
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**Author's note: This is my first fanfic and I am slightly nervous about posting it, so I would love to hear what you think. Please know that English is not my mother tongue and you'll probably find a few grammatical errors. If you'd just be so kind as to point them out to me, thank you!**

**Chapter 1**

She's seven days late and scared out of her mind. She has never been this late before and is getting more nervous by the hour. This couldn't be happening, could it? Not once during the last couple of years has she forgotten to take her pill. And there is nothing safer than the pill out there, right?

There must be another explanation for why she is seven days late. Maybe it's the stress, she hasn't taken any time off work in quite some time and maybe this is her bodys way of coping with stress.

But that's just bullshit and she knew it. She has been doing this job for almost ten years now and not once has she been seven days late.

Sighing, she got out of her car, crossed the street and entered the drugstore. She went straight to the aisle with the baby stuff, feeling slightly nauseous at the sight of pacifiers and diapers and picked up two pregnancy tests from different brands, just to be sure.

At home, she didn't even need to look at the two sticks to know what they said. Still, when she saw the two plus-signs, realization hit her hard. She was a cop, a single cop and pregnant. Three things that did not go well together.

That night she dreamed of a woman holding a crying baby, cheeks stained an angry red, surrounded by dirty diapers, sitting in front of a murder board covered in bold question marks.

"There's a solution to every problem, you'll see", Lanie said as she covered the corpse again.

"Talking to the corpses again, Lanie?", Kate smirked as she entered the morgue.

"Jeez, girl! Don't scare me like that! What are you doing down here?"

"Just thought I'd ... you know ... check in with you"

"Everything about you just screams 'girl talk'! What's wrong?"

"I don't even know where to start ... do you really belive there is a solution to every problem?"

Lanie raised her eyebrows in a way that said 'spill, girl'.

"Do you have a solution to this problem?", hesistantly adding "I'm pregnant".

"Oh girl ...", Lanie covered the distance between her and Kate in three quick strides and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Is this good news or bad news?"

"I don't know", Kate answered with watering eyes.

"Who ...?"

Biting her lip, Kate looked everwhere but Lanie. "Remember Luke?"

"That arrogant jackass you dated for three months like five years ago?"

"That's the one", she answered, still avoiding Lanie's gaze. "The one who hates kids and doesn't care about anyone but himself."

"What happened?"

"I ran into him a couple of weeks ago and we went out for drinks together, to catch up. Afterwards he invited me back to his place and eventhough he was still the same idiot as he was five years ago, I accepted, because I just wanted to have a little ... fun, you know?", she admitted, blushing slightly.

"So, he is out of the picture?"

"Definitely. I would be just me and the baby. A baby that would grow up without a father. I don't want that for my child", and after a pause she softly added "for me. I always imagined being happily married to someone to share all the joy and burden with if I ever were to get pregnant", rue clouded her eyes "but on the other hand, life is too precious to just throw away, and maybe this is my only chance to ever be a mother. Let's face it", she added, staring down at her hands "I am not getting any younger and I am far from being happily married. But how do I do it alone?"

"You're not alone, girl! You have me, the boys, your dad, we would all help out, I bet even Castle would volunteer to babysit. But no matter what you decide, Kate, I'm here for you, just talk to me, 'kay?"

"Thanks, Lanie", Kate replied with a watery smile.

Leaving the morgue, Kate felt much better, lighter somehow. She knew just what to do. Stepping into the elevator, she reached for her phone, dialed her doctor's number and made an appointment for when she had her next day off work.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**Author's Note: First off, I am totally overwhelmed by the response I've gotten for this story so far. I never would have thought anyone would be interested in reading it at all, so thank you to everyone who took the time to do so! **

**Chapter 2**

Shifting in the uncomfortable chair, Kate tried to focus on the magazine in her lap. She felt the other women in the room looking at her belly, trying to figure out how far she was along, and at the emtpy chair to her right, making her even more uneasy. From time to time she caught herself staring at the empty chair next to her as well. Looking around the room, she was confronted with half a dozen women in various states of pregnancy, all of them wearing happy smiles while discussing baby names and genders with their partners.

She was actually glad when a nurse brought her a clipboard with all the paperwork she had to fill out.

Another thirty minutes passed before her name was finally called. She followed the friendly nurse into one of the exam rooms where she found herself laying on the exam table a couple of minutes later, impatiently waiting for Dr. Baker to finish the pelvic exam and to begin with the ultrasound.

When the cold gel was finally squirted onto her lower abdomen, her nerves got the better of her. Frightening scenario after frightening scenario made its way into her head. Had she drunk anything during those weeks where she hadn't known yet she was pregnant? Had she recevied a blow to the abdomen while tackling a perp? Was there anything else she might have done unconsciously that could have harmed the baby?

Noticing her patient slightly panicking, Dr. Baker did her best to reassure her quickly "you seem to be seven weeks along and everything is looking just fine. Nothing to worry about at all."

After Kate got herself cleaned up and redressed, she received a prescription for prenatal vitamins and her first ultrasound picture.

The next morning she went straight to the morgue to see Lanie.

Smiling, she announced herself as not to startle the M.E. again.

"Good morning, why are you so cheery today?"

Still smiling, Kate pulled the ultrasound picture out of her pocket and thumped it on the exam table. "I'm seven weeks along."

"And by the look on your face I'm guessing you going to be a mom?"

"I'm going to be a mom", she exclaimed with a broader smile.

Lanie squealed and pulled Kate into another hug "congrats girl! I am so happy for you, you are going to be an amazing mother!"

"Thank you ... aunt Lanie", Kate grinned.

"When are you gonna tell everyone?"

That question wiped the grin off her face and she swallowed nervously.

"Lanie, I'm not quite ready yet to tell everyone, do you think you could keep this to yourself for another couple of weeks?"

"Sure ...", she replied hestitantly.

"Don't worry, I am not going to change my mind, I just need some time to wrap my head around it and figure out, how I am going to do this."

"No problem, girl, call me if you need anything."

"Will do", Kate replied, as she made her way to the elevator and up to the floor where the Homicide Departement is located on.

Feeling relieved, she stepped off the elevator and made her way to her desk where she found Castle already waiting, two cups of steaming coffee in his hands.

With a cheerful "good morning, detective", he handed her one of the cups. Smiling at him gratefully, she accepted the cup and was about to take a sip, when she remembered, she wasn't supposed to be drinking caffeine. Setting the cup down on her desk, she waited till Castle abandoned his chair for a minute and disposed of it.

"Hey Beckett, there's been a murder uptown", Ryan called as he made his way to her. She grabbed her jacket, holstered her gun and stepped onto the elevator.

They worked through the night into the wee hours of the morning. Kate felt her eyelids getting heavier by the minute as she read the same sentence for the fifth time, still not registering its content. She needed coffee, badly. Reading her as always, Castle stood and went to the break room, returning with a steeming cup of coffee. "There you go."

"Thank you Castle, but no thank you", she gave him a quick smile and focused again on the sheets of paper in front of her.

Noticing the questioning look he shot her, she replied "I'm trying to cut low on the coffeine, it makes me all jittery."

"But I cannot not bring you any coffee in the morning, this is our thing Beckett", he whined.

"Sorry Castle, but you could still bring me a bearclaw every morning."

"Fine", he mumbled, and stretching his legs he continued "I'm beat, and I should really be home in the morning and see Alexis off to school. Until tomorrow."

"Night, Castle."

After five hours of sleep, Castle stumbled into the bullpen the next morning, two cups of coffee and a pastry bag in hand.

"Good morning, detective", and as she suspiciously eyed the cup of coffee he offered her, he added "it's decaf."

Smiling gratefully, she said "thank you Castle, that's really considerate of you."

"Well, there's no way, I could go without that smile every morning."

That earned him another smile.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**Author's Note: A few of you have asked me what season this is set in - I imagine this to be sometime before the shooting during the end of season 3, but with Josh already out of the picture for obvious reasons. Thank you again for your interest in this story!**

**Chapter 3**

As the weeks went by, a warm cup of decaf and a bearclaw awaited her every morning.

She and Castle were working late again, staring at the murder board, when she started feeling slightly dizzy. Closing her eyes and taking deep breaths, she tried to fight off the feeling. Castle, of course, noticed the change in her behavior and worriedly asked, "Beckett, are you okay?"

"Just a little dizzy, give me a minute", was her reply.

"When was the last time you ate anything?", he wanted to know.

"Can't remember."

"You should really start eating regularly, I'm gonna go get you something to get that blood sugar up again", he declared.

He left for the break room and returned with a bag of M&Ms. Ripping it open, he offered it to her. But instead of reaching for it, she turned away, pushed herself off her desk and stumbled to the bathroom, leaving a slightly dumbfounded Castle behind.

Returning to her desk a couple of minutes later, she was pale and and couldn't keep her hands from trembling.

"Must've been those crackers I ate this morning. Found them somewhere in the depths of my cupboards", she said weakly as she noticed his worried gaze. She knew he deserved better than that lie and she knew he deserved to know, but the Precinct didn't seem like the best place to tell him.

"Maybe I should take you home, it's late anyway", Castle offered.

"Thanks Castle, but I can make it home myself."

"With the way your hands are trembling? I don't think so", he held out her jacket for her, turned off her desklamp and took her cautiously by the ellbow to lead her to the elevator. She didn't even try to protest, she really was feeling pretty miserable.

She didn't say anything to him on the way to her apartement. She stared out of the window of the cab and took in the lights of the city. She didn't notice they had arrived at their destination until Castle's voice pulled her out of her thoughts, "Do you want me to come up and make you a cup of tea?"

Taking a deep breath, she plucked up the courage and decided maybe it was time for her to share her secret with him. No time like the present, right? "Maybe you should come up, there is something I need to tell you."

Paying the driver, Castle got out of the cab behind her and followed her silently to her front door. He didn't know what to think of the situation, Kate wanting to tell him something? That's new and it made him a little queasy.

As soon as the heavy door closed behind him, Kate began pacing her living room. Still not knowing what to think, Castle went to the kitchen and started boiling water to busy himself and to give him a couple of seconds to gather his thoughts. Kate's nervousness set his teeth on edge, he had never seen her this flustered before and he didn't know what to think of it.

After handing her a steaming cup of chamomile tea and giving her an encouraging nod, she began, "Castle, listen, I- ... there is something .." Taking another deep breath to calm herself, she began again, "Castle, you are my partner and friend and it's your right to know that ... before, it wasn't the crackers."

Castle tilted his head and gave her a questioning look, he still had no idea what she was trying to tell him.

"It wasn't the crackers, Castle, it's morning sickness." There, she said it. It was finally out in the open and it felt good.

He was the one stuttering now, "You- ... I- ... How? .. What?!" He didn't know what exactly he had expected, but this certainly wasn't it. Not knowing what to say or which question to ask first, he just looked at her with large eyes, "Kate?"

Biting her nip nervously, she stared into her cup of tea. "I know, this is very unexpected. I am ten weeks along and before you even ask, yes, I am raising this child on my own." She hoped her last statement satisfied his curiosity, she didn't really want to go into why she was pregnant in the first place with him.

Stunned, he exhaled audibly, "Hats off for that decision, Kate. If there's someone out there, who could pull this through, it's you", he told her honestly.

She finally dared to direct her gaze at him and along with fear he saw gratefulness, relief and a little pride swirling in those brown irises.

Coming to stand in front of her, Castle reached for her elbow, squeezed it lightly and gave her a genuine smile. "Congratulations, Kate. And thank you for telling me", he added, "it means a lot."

The next morning, Kate sat at her desk and waited anxiously for Castle's arrival at the precinct. She didn't know what to expect and hoped, that things wouldn't be weird between them.

But as Castle stepped off the elevator, two cups of coffee and a pastry bag in hand, she knew, she had nothing to worry about.

"Good morning, Detective", came his cheery greeting.

"Morning Castle", she replied, somewhat relieved.

"Listen", he said as he settled in his chair and leaned towards her, "I still have a ton of these pregnancy books at home Meredith never bothered to read and I thought, maybe you might want to have them?"

"I would love that", she gave him a shy smile.

Thankfully, for the rest of the day, he didn't bring up that topic again but continued to spin theories with her and she suddenly realized that he'd be by her side and support her, no matter what.

A couple of days passed and her second appointment with Dr. Baker, her OB/GYN, approached quickly. An appointment she dreaded. Normally, she would be excited to see her baby again, but she didn't feel like sitting in the waiting area all by herself again, while everyone else was there with their partner.

She sat at her desk, doing paperwork and glanced at her watch every five minutes. It was driving Castle crazy. His curiosity finally got the better of him, "Needing to be somewhere?"

She jerked, "What? Eh, no, just really looking forward to lunch, I'm starving."

"Want to go to Remy's together? They have the best chocolate milkshakes and I could really use one", he suggested.

"I'm sorry, I'm .. already ... already going with someone." She kept staring at the papers in front of her and nervously crossed her legs. A telltale sign, and Castle knew it. He simply kept staring at her with his deep blue eyes until she caved.

"Fine", she sighed, "I have an ultrasound appointment and I guess I'm a little nervous." She hated to admit it, hated how defeated she sounded.

"There's nothing to be nervous about, everything will be fine", he tried to reassure her.

"Yeah", she murmured absently.

"What?"

"It's just ..", another sigh, "everyone is with their partner and I am .. by myself. It makes me wonder, if it will always be like that", she said softly as her cheeks stained a faint pink.

Castle, who was a little shocked by Kate's statement, since she was usually a very private person and didn't share much, couldn't help the words that stumbled out of his mouth, "I could ... I could go with you, if you wanted. Wait with you, until it's your turn." Now, he was the one being nervous.

She gave him a grateful smile and grabbed her jacket, "Then let's go."

She felt much lighter as he settled down in the chair next to her at the doctor's office and told her about his experiences with Alexis.

"This is going to be great! The one time I was allowed to join Meredith for an appointment-"

"The one time you were allowed?", Kate cut in, somewhat surprised.

He averted his gaze as his eyes clouded over, "Meredith didn't really let me be a part of her pregnancy. Always thought it was silly when I talked to her belly and she was of the opinion she was huge and ugly. She didn't want me to see or touch her that way, so I couldn't really connect with Alexis until she was about one hour old. I wasn't allowed into the room when she gave birth to Alexis."

"That's just cruel, I'm sorry Castle", she reached over and gave his knee a sympathetic squeeze.

Just as she was about to tell him, how unfair Meredith's actions had been, she was interrupted by a nurse calling her name.

"Katherine Beckett?"

She stood, walked three steps before she hesistantly turned around, "You comin', Castle?" She didn't know what had possessed her, but she'd do about anything to rid his face of that sad, lost puppy look it had morphed into after telling her about how Meredith had treated him.

His eyes went wide, "Really?"

She smiled at him and he quickly jumped to his feet, hurrying to her side excitedly.

After the actual ultrasound was performed and Kate had been reassured that everything was the way it's supposed to be, der doctor had one more question for her.

"With the way your baby is positioned, I might be able to find its heartbeat, would you me to try and find it?", Doctor Baker asked.

"Yes please!", Castle blurted, but quickly mumbled "sorry", when Kate raised her eyebrows at him.

She gave Dr. Baker a nod, who then moved the ultrasound device around on Kate's still flat belly. She gave her a triumphant look and a few seconds later, the room was filled with a soft swooshing sound. This time it was Kate being overly excited, "Can you hear that Castle?", she grabbed his hand and squeezed it, all the while staring at the monitor, "I could listen to this all day". When she finally turned her head to look at Castle, she found him staring at the monitor as well, complete awe written all over his face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Author's Note: This the last one of these overly fluffly chapter for now, I promise. **

**Chapter 4**

"Come on, Kate! You are fifteen weeks pregnant, there is no way, you are going to fit into your pants much longer. I know you hate shopping, but it's urgent."

Kate groaned, she really hated shopping. But Lanie was right, her jeans were already a little tight over the tiny bump she has been sporting for a couple of weeks by now and she desperately wanted to be comfortable again at work.

"Fine, but want to grab lunch first?", she suggested.

The two of them took a seat in a little diner and as they placed their orders, Lanie eyed Kate suspiciously. "So", she began, drawing the word out, "I heard Castle joined you for your last ultrasound appointment?"

"He did", Kate replied curtly, hoping, Lanie would get the hint and not question her any further about it. But no such luck ...

"Spill!"

"There's nothing to spill, Lanie", Kate told her, having a hard time to keep the annoyance out of her voice. "He joined me. As a friend. I didn't want to go there by myself and Meredith didn't let him be a part of her pregnancy, so I thought it would be nice for him to be there."

"That's just cruel of Meredith, everyone knows that all he wants, is to be a part of his daughter's life", Lanie said, shaking her head.

Kate hummed in response.

"So, how did the others take the news?", Lanie changed the subject.

"They were all slightly shocked, nobody expected _this_ to happen, but eventually even the Captain congratulated me. After he told me what I could and couldn't do anymore. Told me to take it easy, stay behind, let the boys do all the tackling, and soon I'll only be doing deskwork."

"He's right you know", Lanie told her, making her grumble. She knew of course her Captain was right, but she did not look forward to being stuck behind her desk for months.

"How did your dad react?"

"He's delighted by all means, but also really worried. Asked me, why I had to do everything the hard way", she recapped her conversation with her father.

The two of them spent the whole afternoon shopping for maternity clothes and were just about to leave a shop with half a dozen shopping bags in hand, as they discovered the aisle with the baby clothes.

"Look at these! These are so _tiny_!", Lanie squealed.

Amazed, Kate went through a stack of onesies. They really were tiny! "What do you think about this one?", she held up a yellow onesie with a giraffe on it.

"You should buy it, it would fit for a boy and a girl", Lanie encouraged.

"Oh, look at this one!", Kate pointed to a cream-colored one with a teddy bear printed on it.

"I prefer this one", Lanie threw a pink onesie with fairies on it at her.

Kate caught it expertly and wrinkled her nose. "If the baby is a girl, she is not going to wear pink, get that out of your head, Lanie." She knew though, there was probably no way around it, especially with Lanie and her love for all things girly being her best friend.

The next morning Kate woke with a headache. Groaning, she stretched her sore limbs and sneezed. _Great_, she thought, _a cold is the last thing I need right now_. As she went into the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea, she sneezed again. And again.

Arriving at the precinct in a foul mood, she went to get a headstart on the paperwork.

Castle's cheerful "Good morning, Detective", a few hours later, did nothing to help with her headache and she mumbled a cranky "Mornin'" through her stuffed nose.

"Someone doesn't sound very happy", he stated the obvious. "Everything alright?"

"Just a cold, that's all", Kate replied.

As she continued filling out emtpy spaces on the papers, her headache became worse. She could barely breathe through her nose and her eyes were watery, blurrying her vision.

"Maybe you should go home and rest, Beckett", Castle suggested carefully.

"It's just a cold, I'm fine", she told him stubbornly, eventhough she felt anything but fine.

Only thirty minutes later she decided to rest her tired eyes and closed them, leaning her head on her forearm. She didn't wake up until Castle softly called her name an hour later.

"Wha' is it?", her voice was slurred by sleep.

"You fell asleep at your desk, let me take you home, you really need to rest."

She didn't even argue, just pulled on her jacket and followed Castle to the elevator. Once again, she was quiet during the cab ride, trying desperately to keep her eyes open. Castle payed the driver and took her by the ellbow to lead her upstairs.

Once inside, he wordlessly led Kate to the couch, settled her onto it und pulled her boots off her feet. He went to boil some water for a cup of tea, but when he returned to the living room, Kate was already sprawled across the couch, fast asleep. Smiling softly, he pulled a warm blanket tightly around her, grabbed a book off of one of her shelves and settled down in an armchair to read.

As Kate woke three hours later, she found Castle in her kitchen, bent over a pot of simmering tomato soup that smelled delicious.

"You're still here?", she mumbled, still half asleep.

"There's no way I'm going to leave you when you're sick and tired", he told her sternly.

"I'm not sick, it's just a cold and you should really go home to Alexis", she tried half-heartedly, even though deep down she knew, there was no point in arguing with him. He loved to help people and she knew he would never pass up a chance to take care of her.

"She's sleeping over at her friend's place, they are finishing up a project for school. I'm all yours", he said jokingly as he went to grab a bowl. When did he learn where everything was in her kitchen?

"There you go, enjoy." He placed the steaming soup in front of her.

"I didn't know you could cook." Kate raised her eyebrows at him in surprise.

"Well, I'm a man of many talents", he told her cockily, while she shoveled the delicious soup into her mouth, only now noticing how famished she was.

"Thank you for the soup Castle, the little I could taste with my stuffed nose was amazing", she told him, as she put the empty bowl into the sink.

"You're welcome."

"I'm sorry I'm not much fun today, but I am really tired and should probably turn in early to get a good night's sleep", she apologzied.

"Makes sense. Do you want me to make you another cup of tea?" He didn't give her time to answer and already moved towards the kettle to boil water.

She was perfectly capable of making a cup of tea by herself, but she didn't call him out on it. In fact, she leaned against her kitchen counter and watched him whirl around her kitchen. It felt good to have someone to lean on, especially when she was this down. As she accepted the steaming cup of tea with a smile, she was never more grateful to have Castle as her partner.


End file.
